Let Freedom reign.

Last night was a great night for me. At church God's presence was so in my life. He was speaking to me all night. We talked about giving are cares to God. I knew of at least three major ones that I needed to give him, My eating disorder, My cutting, and my shame. I was able to give the eating disorder and cutting to him easily. When it came to the shame I didn't want to. I was to afraid to be that vulnerable with God. I told God that too. I told him, you can have my eating disorder and cutting, I won't hold it against myself anymore, but my shame, that's mine. I deserve it, and if you want it that bad you can get it from me in Praise Gathering.  On the whole way home from church I am just in a "fight" with God. I just want to go up and go to sleep, but I needed to go to PG. Once I got to PG they were singing the song Freedom is Here. I was skeptical at first because I had an idea what was going to happen. I was being very bitter at this point. I went and found a seat and just sat there quietly worshiping. A song or two later the person leading us in worship started speaking to the students who were there. She said that God want's are pasts. We are struggling with things that we just need to give to him. She went through a list of 4. Three of them hit home pretty well. 1. Eating Disorders 2. Self-Mutilation 3. Pornography 4. Shame. Once she got to shame I just got up and left. I was not wanting to give up my shame. It was mine I wanted it to myself, I didn't want to give it up to God. One of my close friends saw me get up and just storm out and she being super great followed me and talked with me, pretty much just told me that I have to declare the freedom. I was angry at first. I didn't want to hear that. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted nothing to do with what God was trying to do. I didn't completely trust and let him work in me at this time. I was to caught up in my own world to care what God was doing. I didn't realize how big it was. After talking to my friend I realized how much I do need to give my shame to God and I just went back and started praying. I told God that I didn't want my shame anymore. I told Him to back off from my life and let me figure things out on my own. In that he told me that if he were to do that I would not be here today. After I got done talking to God I just felt a major weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was shameless, I knew that I was blameless as well because God forgave me, and once he does that He doesn't hold it against you anymore. So I started worshiping with all of my heart, I was holding nothing back. Then God told me that I needed to share my testimony in front of everyone. That freaked the crap out of me. I told God not unless he makes it known to me, someone has to tell me. (I was being stubborn with God, He wins no matter what.) Right after I said that one of the people leading worship had stopped the song and said If any of you feel like your suppose to share something I want you to know that you can come up here and share it whether it be a testimony, scripture or just a word of encouragement. At that point I was like alright God, whatever. I'll go. So I went. I shared what happened.
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Now, for you. God wants to do the same thing with you. God doesn't judge. Every slash that his son took every pounding of the hammer in his hands and feet, every drop of blood that was shed was to take your sin away. Give it to God. You won't regret it. God wants to take it. He doesn't want you to be filled with hatred. He wants to love you, and he wants you to be able to love him unconditionally. He won't hurt you. He won't leave you. He will love you. He will always be there for you. Trust in him. It's worth it.