Divine Appointmet

We serve an ALMIGHTY GOD. On Friday nights my school does this awesome thing called encounter. I was planning on going but then I was having a lot of fun with my friend, but was feeling conflicted about going still or not so she told to go. I went to my room and was praying. Zephaniah 3 came to me. I read it. Verse 6-10 is what really spoke to me. It talks about God's nations when he will return. That the good and bad will be talked to. God then asked "will you go to the nations." I had said yes. He then gave me a vision of a blonde girl with leopard print that was so broken and had dad issues. So I went and started praying for the hour before and let others know. A few other girls in our group got a vision of a blonde broken girl as well. On the way down to the warehouse district I strictly heard be on guard at 12:20. The girl will show up. So I told a few people to watch for the girl. At about 12:00 Matt, Alayna, and I got to 8th and Henipin.  We were talking to this man named Eric. We prayed for him, and as we finished it was 12:15ish. This other man came to us and was talking for about 5 minutes. I notice across the street two blonde girls. One of them are crying and really upset. I told God if this was suppose to happen she would come over here. Shortly she crosses the street and comes and interrupts our conversation. She is just extremely broken. We found out that someone stole her phone and she needed to get a hold of her boyfriend. We were helping her. As Matt was on his phone doing his thing I started talk with this blonde girl, whose name is Jess. I ask her how her relationship is with her dad. She said no, and moved on so I just let it be. We had walked her to the bathroom, because she needed to go. When she came out I felt like I needed to tell her some of my life story. So I did. I find out that we have a VERY similar life story.  She is so broken and full of pain that she is doing whatever to get rid of it. I just felt like I needed to hug her, and just love on her. As I was hugging her I was encouraging her. I then asked her if she wanted a relationship with Christ. She wasn't ready, but the seed had been planted. I prayed with her that God would just give her an overwhelming since of peace and love. I also made sure that she knew that God wouldn't leave her or forsake her. That He wouldn't hurt her like her earthly father did. I told her that God still loves her regardless of her past. Her friend and her needed to go then. I gave them my number and told them to call  or text me anytime they needed to and just encouraged Jess. They have already text me and I am going to go out for coffee with them next Wednesday. When we finished talking to Jess we started talking to another man. it got to be 1:15 and we need to wrap things up and go meet with our group. On the way back to the group I knew it wasn't done yet. There will still two more people we were going to reach. Once we got to the group we were talking and I told the rest of the group that. Right after that these two men started talking to us. One of them were completely healed of foot issues.  This all just goes to show that God cares for everyone. It doesn't mater. He uses anybody to reach out. He loved Jess so much that He gave me the wonderful opportunity to meet her and disciple her. He knew that I would be able to help her. He knew that my past would minister to her life right now. God is faithful and He loves everyone. He used many people tonight to reach out and just let others know that they are loved, and that God loves them, and hasn't forgot about them.  

Let Freedom reign.

Last night was a great night for me. At church God's presence was so in my life. He was speaking to me all night. We talked about giving are cares to God. I knew of at least three major ones that I needed to give him, My eating disorder, My cutting, and my shame. I was able to give the eating disorder and cutting to him easily. When it came to the shame I didn't want to. I was to afraid to be that vulnerable with God. I told God that too. I told him, you can have my eating disorder and cutting, I won't hold it against myself anymore, but my shame, that's mine. I deserve it, and if you want it that bad you can get it from me in Praise Gathering.  On the whole way home from church I am just in a "fight" with God. I just want to go up and go to sleep, but I needed to go to PG. Once I got to PG they were singing the song Freedom is Here. I was skeptical at first because I had an idea what was going to happen. I was being very bitter at this point. I went and found a seat and just sat there quietly worshiping. A song or two later the person leading us in worship started speaking to the students who were there. She said that God want's are pasts. We are struggling with things that we just need to give to him. She went through a list of 4. Three of them hit home pretty well. 1. Eating Disorders 2. Self-Mutilation 3. Pornography 4. Shame. Once she got to shame I just got up and left. I was not wanting to give up my shame. It was mine I wanted it to myself, I didn't want to give it up to God. One of my close friends saw me get up and just storm out and she being super great followed me and talked with me, pretty much just told me that I have to declare the freedom. I was angry at first. I didn't want to hear that. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted nothing to do with what God was trying to do. I didn't completely trust and let him work in me at this time. I was to caught up in my own world to care what God was doing. I didn't realize how big it was. After talking to my friend I realized how much I do need to give my shame to God and I just went back and started praying. I told God that I didn't want my shame anymore. I told Him to back off from my life and let me figure things out on my own. In that he told me that if he were to do that I would not be here today. After I got done talking to God I just felt a major weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was shameless, I knew that I was blameless as well because God forgave me, and once he does that He doesn't hold it against you anymore. So I started worshiping with all of my heart, I was holding nothing back. Then God told me that I needed to share my testimony in front of everyone. That freaked the crap out of me. I told God not unless he makes it known to me, someone has to tell me. (I was being stubborn with God, He wins no matter what.) Right after I said that one of the people leading worship had stopped the song and said If any of you feel like your suppose to share something I want you to know that you can come up here and share it whether it be a testimony, scripture or just a word of encouragement. At that point I was like alright God, whatever. I'll go. So I went. I shared what happened.
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Now, for you. God wants to do the same thing with you. God doesn't judge. Every slash that his son took every pounding of the hammer in his hands and feet, every drop of blood that was shed was to take your sin away. Give it to God. You won't regret it. God wants to take it. He doesn't want you to be filled with hatred. He wants to love you, and he wants you to be able to love him unconditionally. He won't hurt you. He won't leave you. He will love you. He will always be there for you. Trust in him. It's worth it. 

Letter from Aneorexia and letter back to Aneorexia

Dear young girl, I am your best friend. You can't escape from me. You love me to much. You have put many years into it and now you want to leave? Good luck with that. It's going to be hard, you're going to gain a lot of weight, you're going to look bad. You will lose all of your support system. Your self-worth is going to be crap, you're not going to want to eat anymore. I am going to control you still. You will always always struggle with me. You're a weak person, that's how I found you. You have invested six years in me. We became close. You're going to want to count your calories your going to want to do what ever you can to get your ideal weight. I control you. You can't get away. You can try, but it won't be very effective. You can't do it on your own. I control thousands of girls. What makes you think that I will let you free? What makes you think that I want to let you go? I'll start to control your relationships with others. You'll have to lie to close friends and family about your eating habits. You're become so consumed with me that you will not care that your body is to weak to carry on, that you are close to dieing. You like the "high" you feel to much to let it go.
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Dear Anorexia. In your face. I got away. You don't control me anymore. I know it's going to be a major struggle, but I have a strong God who is stronger. You don't own me. You don't have control over who I am anymore. I won't be controlled by the thoughts of worthlessness and bad self image. I know that I have worth. I know that I am not fat. And who cares if I was. Who are you to say that I am suppose to skinny? Who are you to say that this controls me? Who are you to say that I won't get away? I got away didn't I?  You controlled me for to long, and now I'm taking back what is rightfully mine. You don't deserve the weight I lost. You don't deserve the pain I had to go through. You don't deserve my time anymore. You are not a part of me. You won't ever be a part of me again. I don't want to see you around me or my loved ones ever. I am going to help people fight against you. You won't have control over me, or them. You will lose all of your friends.  Well Peace out. I don't like you.
                                                                       Go to hell, You ruined my life.
                                                                                      Tiera Wilson

Whom do you place your trust in?

I was just sitting here thinking to myself who do I place my trust in. Upon thinking more I realized that many people place trust in circumstances and themselves and possibly others, but they don't place their trust in God. I know in my life that is somewhat true. I have trust issues, and I know that a lot of others have trust issues as well. It could be from many reasons like abuse, abandonment, or violations of trust as a child or violations of trust as an adult. If you grow up in a home where there is no trust in your parents relationship, or something happens and cause you not to trust others that is a big hindrance in being able to trust people as you grow older.  I know that it is really hard to start all of a sudden start trusting in God, but God makes a promise for you. He says Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you. God wont hurt you either. Our God is a God of love. It has taken me many years to learn this. But in the past couple of months God has been working in my life in allowing him to love me. And in that it takes trust. I thought that I trusted God, but when it came to the point to have God love me I didn't want to. I was afraid. I didn't know what to expect. All the people who I allowed to get close to me and love me as a child ended up using it against me causing me to lose trust.I was afraid that God would do the same thing. I didn't want to be hurt again. But the truth was that I didn't want to hurt God. I realized all along that I was hurting God, by not letting Him love me, and not placing my trust in Him. I placed my trust in myself because I knew that I couldn't let myself down. If I trusted God, and let Him down I would feel like I disappointed Him. But that was lies that Satan was feeding me, and I was believing. The truth came through and I realized that I am NOT a disappointment to God. God still loves me despite my flaws. It's a long and hard process to allow God to love you but it's worth it. Once you are able to trust God completely so much weight is taken off of you shoulder.  When I placed full trust in God so many doors were opened up in my life, and I was set free from a lot of things that I thought controlled me. I was placing trust in myself, which led to depression which is a everyday struggle still. It led to cutting which is still a struggle, but am a month clean from taking a blade to my body. It led to me getting an eating disorder which is now overcome because I have the blood of the Lamb. I started trusting God, and realized that the things that I was doing wasn't trusting in myself, but in the lies I was believing. Your not worth it, no one will care, you'd be better off with out God, God will hurt you. NO, those are ALL lies from Satan. He will do anything to get you away from Our loving Savior Jesus. The truth is that YOU ARE WORTH IT. PEOPLE DO CARE. YOU ARE BETTER WITH GOD. GOD WILL NOT HURT YOU. Once you place your trust in God, and not yourself, things will go much easier. In life you can't do anything for yourself and be happy. It all leads to darkness and hatred. It will bring you to places you wish you never would have been. God says come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Trust in God, you wont regret it. I love you all, and pray daily for you. God bless. If you have any specific prayer request comment, or message me. Love ya!

Struggles

Some of you know that I have been going through a difficult time the past few weeks. I have been slowly falling away from God. I would only eat when people were around, otherwise i wouldn't eat. During In-Hall chapel my RA spoke, and it really caught my attention and I started talking to her about how I feel. She was able to talk me through some things and pray with me, so were my roomates. Then on Saturday night during Connecting Hope Michael had us pray before we went out and hit the streets. He had said if any of us needed prayer to come up and he would pray with us. So i went up. I told him briefly what was going on then we prayed. The next day (Sunday) I was praying in my room, and really felt Gods comfort and peace come in my life again. Around nine that night I had recommited my life to Christ. I went and I talked to Kayla about everything. On Tuesday in chapel we had a quaker service. During it someone started to sing the song How He Loves Us and God really started to speak truth into my life. A little while later a girl had called girls up who needed prayer or encourgement, so i went up and I was able to get prayer to help me fight the lies satan has been telling me, to overcome me not eating when I was alone, and to just see how beautiful and loved I am to God. God has been working through me for the past week or so now just challangeing me, and making me stronger in my faith. God is a good and faithful God, and He'll never give you to much that you cant handle. Now that i am overcoming everything I see how much God truly does love for me and care, and that i was foolish to believe those things I have been believeing. This recovery time is going to be hard to get back to being myself, so your prayers and support would be helpful, but one thing I know for sure is that God will never leave me, and I am His Child, and He loves me so much. Thank you all for helping me. I love you.   I know this is later, but on Wednesday God was telling me that my battle is over, He beat it for me! And how true it was! Im slowly eating more and more. God is so good.





I wrote this in October. Since October I have overcome more things.  I have been struggling with cutting for quite awhile. I also have struggled with depression. I went to the doctor seeking help, because I knew that there were some things that I couldn't do on my own and this was one of them. As of tomorrow, it will be one month since I have took a blade to my leg. I have had the thoughts, but God has helped me overcome them. I started taking medication for the depression and have felt a lot better about myself and life. (God had a lot to do with this too.) I was set free from a lot of things that was holding me back.  God is not done with my story yet. His love is the best thing, and it's what is keeping me alive.
                                                                                  Living God's love story out.
                                                                                                  -In His Grip. <3 Tiera