Beauty

What is beauty?  
             According to the dictionary beauty is defined as A combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic sense. 
What is Self-Image?
                  The conception that one has of oneself, including an assessment of qualities and personal worth.
What I want to know is why people get so caught up with it. Many people today say "oh, I'm not beautiful." They think that they're either too fat, or too skinny. They have other flaws. Their body isn't how they want it to be. Self Image is a major thing to do with beauty. If you have a negative self image, you'll have a bad sense of your beauty. Beauty is not about the outward appearance.

I know in my life I have struggled with this way more than I should. I grew up with my older sister who is beautiful beyond belief. I was jealous. I always thought that being beautiful meant having long hair, wearing makeup and nice tight clothing. I was none of that. I had short hair. I didn't wear make-up. I wore baggy clothing to hide the scars on my wrist. The weight that I was losing. I had turned into a monster. To be "beautiful" in the worlds standards, I stopped eating, I cut myself. I would do anything to be beautiful. I didn't realize that I was already beautiful the way I WAS. I didn't need to starve myself. I didn't need to be how society wanted me to be. They put on unrealistic expectations for girls my age to see. 

 

It wasn't until I got to my senior year of high school when I truly found out what beauty actually consisted of. Everyone there was so lost. I saw their brokenness. I came to a point where I was just like them. I couldn't go on. I didn't want to end up like them. I wanted respect. I didn't want to flaunt super super tight clothes anymore. I realized that it was a stumbling block for men. I realized that beauty is skin deep. 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the -->UNFADING<-- beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4. 

I found out that  if you are not dressed like a whore people actually pay attention to your personality, which is where the true beauty is. If you allow people to "check you out" it is just them saying, "omg, look at that body, it is great.. and their minds wander."  They wont respect you and your boundaries, because you dress like a slut. I never really dressed to terrible (I think) but I saw many around me make the decision.

If you don't find your beauty in God, you don't know true beauty. You have fast food beauty, meaning that you try everything that the world has to offer but you cant perfect it. You always feel like something is missing. You go to these empty wells to find perfection but just get hurt over and over again.

When I think of beauty in my life, I think of God. With God I know that I never have to worry about going to these empty wells to try and fill my "beauty need". All I need to do is go to my God and be like "hey, Man upstairs, I'm struggling in this area. Please help me to see that I am beautiful, and how YOU CREATED ME TO BE." I don't want to have the worldly beauty because that just brings on a bunch of hurt, pain, and unnecessary scars. It also brings disappointment. You think that cutting doesn't hurt anyone. You are 100% wrong. Just like I was. It hurts your close friends and family just as much as you.

Think Beauty.
BE
Earnestly
Artsy
Unique
Truthful
YOURSELF

 And most of all remember, God made you special. You are beautiful. Whether believe it or not. Don't let others tell you that you're not beautiful, because God doesn't make ugly things. You are his BEAUTIFUL child. He is looking down on you smiling. <3

 

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Letter number 2 to my addicton cutting.

Dear young person. Just do it, one cut will take away the pain. I promise it will work. I have many people doing this. It's all the rage right now. I will help you. When ever you are in a bad mood, a depressed mood or feel like no one will care you can come to me, I'll care. I wont leave you. Who else do you have? I have been there for many people. Each time you cut another pain will be taken away. No one needs to know. It will be our little secret. The pain you feel, and the blood you see will give you an adrenalin rush. It will consume you. It will be all you can think of. I'm your best friend. You have nobody else. You've counted on so much people and they have all let you down, your mom, your dad. I have not let you down I was always there when you needed someone. I am just a blade away. You can count on me. I'll make you happy again. People around you will tell you that it's not going to help, but they don't understand the bond that we have. It's a special bond, and I only come to people who really need it, people who understand that I am worth it. You are a good fit. You already know my friend anorexia. Join me and you'll be even happier. Your life will be way better with me. Without me you are nothing. You can't do anything with out thinking of me. Your scars will bring back all the fond memories that we had.

                                                                                     your friend, cutting. 

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  Dear Cutting. You lied to me. You said cutting would take away my pain, but it didn't. It made it worse. I trusted you. I thought you would help. But you didn't. You told me that no one would care and that you would. But I know that you didn't care. You just knew that I would be dependent upon you for a long time. You don't like being lonely. You come to people who you think are weak so they fall prey to you. The truth is just that you are a very pathetic dirty rotten no good liar. You ruin peoples lives. You don't care about us. You just want to see us in pain,see how far you can get us to go. Well I've got news for you jerk. You don't own me anymore. The truth is that each time I cut, another pain was added. Each time I see the scars it doesn't bring back fond memories like you said, it brings back all the hurt and the pain, that YOU NO LONGER HOLD CAPTIVE. I have been set free from this. You don't control me anymore. People do care. You said that it didn't hurt anyone else, that was a big lie too. It hurts everyone around me. People told me that it wasn't going to help and I didn't believe them because of you, but now I believe them, I know it doesn't help. That's another lie you told me. You said that you would never leave me, but I never said that I wouldn't leave you. I don't want you apart of my life anymore. I'm not looking at these scars as you and I as friends ever. I am not looking at these scars as you taking away my pain, but what happened for me 2000 years ago on the cross. Those scars are enough for me now. The scars I have don't take away pain. You lied. You had me trapped for so long, and now I am free. You can climb back into the hole you came out of. I don't want you in my friends life anymore. You are a loser. I hate you.

                                                                                                       Sincerely, Tiera Wilson.

PS. Don't come back, cause I wont let you.